We are asked to write down all of our insights, procrastinations and complaints and highlight them in the journal. Funny enough that all of my complaints and procrastinations repeated themselves over and over and over like a broken record throughout those pages. On the other hand, the only progress I seemed to be making was fleeting and nothing I could hang on to - well, not like I can hang on to my complaints. I would have and journal insights, feel really great about it and then promptly forget the flash of inspiration and enthusiasm I had experienced the next day.
Contrary to my expectations, that was the whole point of the exercise. By journaling my mental spews and incessant whining, I was able to see the repetition. Surprisingly, the repetition of all that junk let me look at it then and now all from a lot of different angles. Even more surprisingly, the insights I did have were all completely unique and still rang true like the day I wrote them. I needed to here the broken record to sort out all those thoughts and fears and to remind me that they are not productive, empowering or any longer needed. I was meant to see the master list of insights as a booster shot against of the virus called defeat which so many writers and artists before me have fallen prey to. It was like Cameron knew I would need to leave myself a trail of creative development breadcrumbs for that critical moment where I loose my steam and feel tempted to throw in the towel. Such a clever lady, such a clever program.