03 February 2009

Pregnancy Changes

Pregnancy is truly a miraculous thing - not only because of the wonder of new life growing inside you, but also because of the miraculous growth one goes through physicall and emotionally. 

All the sudden, I am finding the motivation to do all sorts of projects which I have nicely managed to put of for so long. The universe seems to be playing along, too. In the same week, we are getting our not-so-urgent heating problems fixed and some needed paint work done. 

My bump is growing. I pee twenty times a day. I have to eat every three hours. I cannot sleep on my back and have to lie on my side with a pillow between my legs. Bending over is not as easy or pleasant as it once was. It is a phase of constant change, or rather improvement, inside and out.

I think what scared me the most about pregnancy and motherhood was the inevitable change in my life. I seriously resented being told how much my life would change after having children. I always heard it as some kind of finger-shaking comment intended to make me reevalute my selfish, immature perspectives. And you do when you are responsible for another human being's life, but I still did not like it. When reflecting on this, I realized I wasn't reacting to the comment. I was reacting to the idea of change.

I haven't always welcomed change, mostly because I have always equated change with the negative. Change, though, is the nature of life and is itself neither bad nor good.  This transformation is one of the most exciting I have ever been through (and I have had my fair share of drastic life changes simply due to the expat life). This process has so far taught me one very important thing about life: Embracing change is in fact easier than fighting or fearing it.

05 January 2009

New Year's Nesting

It was a particularly long hiatus, friends. I admit it. I didn't write for over two months and I didn't even tell you I was going to have a break. How rude. And my Adsense results are proof. The truth is that I really hadn't planned to disappear. I decided to let my muse be in charge of 'leisure' writing and she, unfortunately for my blogging, got pregnant and very distracted. My professional writing muse was, on the contrary, very busy pumping out PAID articles for Knitting  magazine here in the UK, the first of which appears in this month's issue, being an amazing virtual assistant to talented language and travel writer, Susanna Zaraysky , and writing art show reviews for the burgeoning new Manchester arts and culture magazine HIVE .

Yes, you did read correctly. My hubby and I decided to undertake on the greatest act of creativity humanly possible: making a new life. I am now in my 18th week and constantly amazed at what is happening to my once tiny body. I now have a surprising appetite for meat and meat products (to the delight of my German spouse), the urge to reorganize closets, cupboards and entire rooms (because I won't feel like doing it with an infant and a manchild to care for) and some seriously raging hormones (which I usually display as unabashed bitchiness and aggression). Yes, pregnancy is an interesting and entertaining journey.

With a baby on the way, there is always inevitably some shuffling of furniture, rooms and designated spaces to accommodate the precious new family member. To kick off 2009, I channeled some of my hormonally fueled aggression into preparing my new work space.  It just seemed to fit with turning over a new leaf, resolutions (which I never make by the way; I only set my intentions and create possibilities), etc. I have moved from the desk in our dressing area (which connects our bedroom to our en suite bathroom) to my craft room. Matthias will be moving his workspace there since he spends far less time at the home PC and the 'office' will become the nursery. I organized all my supplies (which were augmented by the addition of my mother-in-law's sewing machine and all of granny's loot to go along with it) and found a new home for all my wool and yarn so that I can have my office supplies nearby. It is brighter than the space upstairs and I can feel my creative juices flowing more easily here, surrounded by all my crafty things. To the right is a shot of where I am sitting as I write this post. It is a small corner, but it is my corner and it is organized. Would you have expected anything less?

I also started 2009 by focusing my intentions and creating possibilities for myself and my life for the following year. I had been stewing in a psychological sludge since November which I had to shed in order to accomplish anything today, let alone this year. I have again embraced the importance of personal writing as an essential ingredient to my sanity, effectiveness, and keeping an empowered context in my life. This morning I used my morning pages (see posts tagged Artist's Way) to cull all the nasty, energy sucking thoughts that had been bogging me down and to articulate my intentions and possibilities for the New Year. Among them are the possibilities of being peaceful, courageous and a loving mother; as well as the intention to sell 4 more articles before June and market my book idea/find representation successfully by year end.

Finally, it snowed here in Manchester overnight. It is the first time I have seen snow so close in the UK. Here is a picture of Matthias getting ready to leave:

It wasn't much, but it was a nice surprise nonetheless. I will be back with some more retrospective updates about my trip back home to Seattle, Christmas in Germany, New Years in Scotland and all the sordid details of pregnancy.